If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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