I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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