yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize