Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
