I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it was like eating out sand paper
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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