Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
