I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
