My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
