I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
