Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
