Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize