I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
