it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
