i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Can I color on your dick again?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
