I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
