Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
