that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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