remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
