YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
