WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
