I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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