Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
