sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
