I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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