i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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