I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
