One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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