you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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