K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
