its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
