The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
