Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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