Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
