dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
