she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
