Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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