I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
