I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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