I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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