dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
