that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
