Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
