im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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