I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
