I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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