your room smells of hookers.
And success
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
