maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
