actually, I'm a sock model
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
