Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
