I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
