i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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