Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
