Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
