I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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