I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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