when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
and she was petting her beer can
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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