I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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