He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
