At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize