Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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