True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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