Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
