The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
His nipple licking is glorious
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