i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
