I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
