your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
