Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
